Here’s What You’re Probably Noticing

Dr. Emily Gault, PhD · Child Psychologist · July 8, 2026

We're a few days into your "just watch" week, and I wanted to check in. Not to add anything new, just to help you feel on track with what you are noticing.

If you are anything like the families I work with, one of two things has probably happened. Either you caught yourself narrating your child's behavior in your head all day ("okay, that's an A… that's the B…") — which means you are getting better at this specific skill of observing the ABCs of behavior. Or you tried to watch on Sunday, forgot by Tuesday, and are just now remembering this is a thing you said you would do. If that's you, welcome back. There's no makeup work here. Just start noticing again today.

If you are new here, last week I wrote about the first step to the Parent Steps Program, which involves observing the ABCs of child behavior: antecedent, behavior, and consequence. If you haven't yet, please go back and read that short article first so you're on the same page.

Let's look at a few more examples, because the ABC pattern shows up in places you might not expect.

ABCs in the Wild

Antecedent: You tell your child it's time to turn off the tablet. Behavior: They negotiate — "just five more minutes" — and you eventually agree. Consequence: You give them five more minutes.

This one's worth sitting with. The negotiating isn't defiance, it's a strategy, and it's working. That's not a judgment. It's a perspective you may not have considered.

Antecedent: Your child is playing quietly while you make dinner. Behavior: Nothing happens — they just keep playing. Consequence: You don't say anything, because why would you interrupt something that's going fine?

I flagged an example just like this in the first article, and I'm repeating it on purpose. This is the pattern parents notice least, because there's nothing to react to. But when things are going well is just as much a sequence as the harder moments. What we do next matters, and we'll cover it in Parent Step 2.

Antecedent: You ask your child to get in the car for school. Behavior: They dawdle, get distracted, start doing something else. Consequence: You end up doing part of the task for them — grabbing their shoes and carrying their bag to get out the door on time.

Antecedent: Siblings are playing and one grabs a toy from the other. Behavior: The other child screams. Consequence: You come running, sort out who had it first, and referee.

None of these examples are here to tell you what to fix — yet. They're here so you start seeing your week as data. Don't change anything until Step 2 is described and assigned.

One Thing to Notice This Week

Pay attention to what you find yourself paying attention to. Most parents only track the moments that frustrate them. But the quiet, easy moments, the ones where your child does exactly what you asked or is calm, are just as important. We'll come back to why in the next article.

Where We're Headed

Next week we make our first change in how we respond to our child, and it's the one almost everyone underestimates: how you use your attention on purpose, not just in response to problems, but to the dozens of positives that happen in a day. It's a small shift, but it has an outsized effect. It becomes more natural if you've actually spent a week observing those ABCs.

Keep noticing. Write it down if you can. I'll see you next week.

— Dr. Emily